One of the most difficult aspects of life to grasp is the concept of impermanence. As described by Norman Fischer on the blog, Lion’s Roar, impermanence is a key principle of Buddhism, and it can be summed up by one simple statement: nothing lasts forever. The Buddha himself made it clear that those who fail to accept this concept are more susceptible to suffering. It sounds incredibly simple and self-explanatory. So why is it so difficult to grasp?
Human beings are incredibly complex. We are these wonderful beings with unique thoughts, opinions, and emotions. We’re not robots. That being said, one of the most important things that I’ve learned in life thus far is that curating a set path for ourselves to follow will ultimately lead to disappointment. What we want at this moment may not be what we want in a few year’s time, because we are constantly changing, which is completely normal—and even beneficial.
Deep down, we all know that change is a necessary component to living a fulfilling life. I know it, you know it, even the Buddha knew it! So why has “change” become such a dirty word? Why does the simple statement, “you’ve changed,” make our stomachs turn in agony, as if we’ve done something wrong?
Certain experiences allow us to expand as people, explore sides of ourselves that may have been dormant, and realize that we have desires that we may not have thought of previously. The “new you” could actually be better than who you were before you experienced these new life circumstances. A hard time may have lead you to a realization that you never would have reached had you not been through hell and back. Stepping out of your comfort zone may have been the best decision of your life, and you never would’ve known it if you’d let fear stand in your way.
The impermanence paradox occurs when, despite realizing how much you’ve changed for the better, you’re met with the expectations of outside influences. These influences may include family members, old friends, past coworkers, etc., who knew you before you embarked on a new journey in your life and grew to become a better version of yourself. They expect to see you as you were, even though that person is long gone. You know that every new experience in your life is bringing you closer and closer to your truest self, and you feel the most in-tune with who you are than ever before. It’s easy to become conflicted when the person that you were then and the person you are now seem like total strangers.
Like I mentioned before, as impermanence is inevitable. Sometimes you’re met with people who don’t understand the person you are becoming, and would prefer to have everything stay the same as it has always been. The people that make you feel upset with yourself for changing for the better are not worthy of your time. If someone who was once very close to you wants to hinder your growth, then that is really a sign that they can’t cope with change themselves. You know that you have a true companion when, even if they can’t entirely relate to your path in life, will whole-heartedly support it because they know that it makes you the happiest you’ve been.
But what if you’re the one who is struggling to accept change?
Trust me, I know the feeling. Recently, I’ve been becoming very sentimental about moving out of the home that I’ve grown up in my entire life. Granted, I still have two more years of college left, and will not have to face the feat of moving out for good for a while. But the sinking feeling still remains whenever I think of turning over that new leaf and finally embarking on that new adventure in my life. Logically, I know that moving out is necessary for my personal growth and success, but the thought of losing my established level of familiarity is frightening to me.
It’s hard to cope with change sometimes when your brain knows the logical solution but your heart yearns for the sense of comfort that it has always known. This is what the Buddha meant when he explained how humans suffer when they refuse to accept impermanence. It’s a confusing feeling when you recognize that you deserve to experience positive change, but are simultaneously holding onto your comfort zone with a death-grip. As human beings, we get scared. We wonder if what we’re doing is right, we question ourselves, and sometimes, we feel like the safest option would be to remain right where we are now.
The truth is, any type of change is scary in the beginning. Moving out and living on your own is a big adjustment, and the first few weeks may be anything but peachy. Starting a new job may be overwhelming as you get familiar with the demands of your new office. Starting another year of school may make your heart race as you struggle to locate your new classes and get into the swing of things. But soon, you start to become familiar with your new surroundings. You realize that you enjoy the apartment that you’ve decorated yourself, and all the freedom that comes along with it. You begin to befriend your new coworkers and excel at the new line of work that you’re in. You find that you enjoy your new classes and can now navigate the campus like the back of your hand.
Human beings can feel pain. Human beings can feel joy. But perhaps the most incredible asset that we possess is adaptability. We may not think that we can achieve as much as we are really capable of achieving. What seems scary and foreign to us in our minds can is actually something that we can easily adapt to, even if it takes some time. We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
While change can be scary to imagine, the best way to cope is to realize that it’s a necessary part of life. If you weren’t supposed to ever change or experience new things, then you wouldn’t have the great power of adaptability. If your intuition is pulling you into a new direction in life, but your mind is questioning whether or not you can handle the change, just know that you are more than capable of acclimating yourself, and the personal growth to follow will be limitless.
A beautiful thing to consider is that what is to come may even be better than what has gone. You may initially lose a sense of comfort, but think of all the things that you’ll gain. Amazing relationships with genuine people, the ability to share your work with others and reach new levels of success, and the valuable knowledge that you can only gain from experience alone are only some of the things that have yet to come. When you embrace the fact that change is inevitable, you’ll be able to accept all of the gifts that life has in store for you. You just have to take the leap.
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